The Divorce Agreement to Avoid Revolution

Dear Canadian liberals, leftists, B.C. social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Castro supporters, et al: We have stuck together for 150 years for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of Canada cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

HERE IS OUR SEPARATION AGREEMENT:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. We will settle for less landmass if we get the right portion, which must include Alberta & Saskatchewan.

That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy given the favouritism divide.

Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You can also keep the Carbon Tax.

–You are welcome to the liberal judges, CUPE and UNIFOR.

–Since you hate guns, and war, we’ll take our firearms, the police, and the military.

–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

–You can keep Butts, Barbie, Shannon & Suzuki. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all four of them.

–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, the farmers, Wal-Mart and the TSE.

–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food vouchers, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

–We’ll keep the greedy CEO’s and rednecks.

–You can have the peaceniks, the pipeline protesters, and anti-everything economically beneficial crowd.

— When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide security.

–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, peoplekind, political correctness and Mr. Dress Up. You can also have our share of the U.N. We will no longer be paying any part of that bill.

–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt, Tesla and Leaf you can find.

–You can give everyone free and regulated everything healthcare?. if you can find any practicing doctors.

–We’ll keep “God Save the Queen” and “The Old National Anthem words.”

–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine” or “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, with “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.

–We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our language, the war memorials and the Queens picture.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberals and socialists. And if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely, Anonymous Law Student

P.S. Also, please only invite Leonard DiCaprio, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Michael Moore, Barbara Streisand, and Hanoi Jane Fonda to your portion of landmass.

P.P.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

Let’s Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will

Start Sinking in.